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I believe that for most people, the only thing that prepares us for the demands of a committed relationship is actually being in one! After all, does anything inspire more intense feelings, whether for better or for worse, than the behavior of the ones closest to us? Most of the ways we handle relational conflict hinge on old patterns born out of our past significant relationships, mainly from those who raised us. These old patterns can sometimes be helpful but other times they just keep us trapped in the same cycles of conflict. 

 

Effective relationships take work because conflict with the ones we care about is inevitable. Aligning your moods, energy levels, interests, and values while also managing your differences doesn't come without effort. If we're not diligent, complacency and avoidance can ultimately turn our supposed "soulmate" into a roommate. 

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Much like my clients in individual therapy, my clients in couples and relationship therapy encompass a wide variety of backgrounds, life experiences and relationship configurations. I believe very strongly that relationships are not governed so much by "rules" as much as by the uniqueness of the people in them. 

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